I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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