babies were throwing up all over the place
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
