and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
