Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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