So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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