i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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