Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
