I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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