Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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