I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
