you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
