I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
