yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I did not marry a roomba.
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