with your own penis?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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