Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
