last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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