Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
