everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
