Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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