I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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