It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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