he puts the penis in happiness.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
