what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
