Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
