some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
