My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
