i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
