Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
