What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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