I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
