I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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