If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
