it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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