I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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