I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
