it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
