this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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