someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
