So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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