Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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