omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
