he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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