i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
