well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
