They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think my moral compass just broke
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