Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
