She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
