You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
