there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
drinking out of a sandbucket again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
