I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When are your genitals available?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
