why didn't you poke me back
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
