I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
