i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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